NYC-Legs — matt mcaskill

There is no vessel more reliable than the Angus, rough seas? No problem. The Angus will cut through fog, waves, rain and high-speed winds like butter, when properly motivated. Yes, I just suggested my vessel is sentient, just accept that and keep pushing. One thing the Angus can’t do (for now) is fly. Yes, we could have sailed to New York but we had some airline miles to burn. My first mate and myself had plans ages ago to see our favorite rap duo live in New York City, Run the Jewels. Killer Mike and EL-P have set up residence in large corners of my brain for the past decade. I was a young lad who never knew what music I liked if it wasn’t a CD my parents or brother had. Which wasn’t all that bad, but it can be limiting. I used to borrow CDs from my brother and play them on a loop; the ones that got the most plays were Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Beastie Boys Licensed to ill and Hello Nasty, lastly Green Day’s Dookie. I really wanted to leave out the Smashing Pumpkins to seem cooler but that would be a lie. Also being cool wasn’t really on the agenda, my first ever purchased compact disc with my own money was Weird Al Yankovic’s Bad Hair Day (which I still listen to). So rap was introduced to me young between the Beastie Boys, my best friend Sarad playing me Busta Rhymes’ When Disaster Strikes over and over. I also can’t forget my friend Adam for showing me Kris Kross, Snoop, Dre, and Biggie when we were the tender age of 11 years old. I would be lying if I said I understood any of the lyrics. But I Kris Koss did speak to me because they were kids like me! Only extremely cool. That last day of third grade me and Adam agreed to wear our clothes backwards like Kris Kross. The last day of school rolled around, and I had my Lee jeans facing the wrong way and my Loony Tunes baseball jersey with Bugs and Taz relocated to my back. Adam did not hold up his end of the bargain, so I spent the day struggling to use the restroom and explaining my decisions. Okay, so now you know I had a speck of cred when it comes to hip hop.

Run the Jewels was delivered to me by my boy Shane, and it felt like hearing Outkast for the first time, not that they sound alike, they just took rap and made it uniquely their own. For ten years Shane and myself have been following Run the Jewels, the best time being when we saw them in New Orleans on a Friday the 13th in October, spooky and awesome! I have a poster from that show that is unbelievably cool (Jason Vororhees in a swamp putting up the piston and fist!). RTJ (Run the Jewels) announced a mini tour commemorating the 10th anniversary of their first album. Shane scored a gaggle of tickets to just about every show because he’s a wildcat. The record was carefully set, all we needed was to land the needle in the right spot, easier said than done. Shane was in NYC for work, so he was waiting for me and Britt to make our way to the sizable apple. Work has been spotty for me at best lately, which is incredibly stressful in a time of my life where I’m fighting for my life to improve and grow. Anyway! This isn’t the log where I bemoan my employment status, it’s about a few friends and Yankee and the Brave themselves.

Britt had to work a half day so because my life partner never wastes even a partial vacation day. I’m currently a bum so I slept till the zero hour like the liability I am. I may be a bum with a horrendous concept of time, but my rally skills are virtually unapparelled. Bags were packed, tossed in the Batmobile and we hit the road! The rush was relieved when our flight got delayed for the first time (yes, more to come!) We stopped on the historic Rt. 1 McDonald’s for a fancy lunch/pre-flight meal. It’s fancy by the virtue it has a play place, shockingly good seating and relics of McDude’s past on the walls. I already feel this getting long-winded so I’m gonna press the gas, buckle up. Britt and I cruised slowly to Logan airport since we were delayed again because Jet Blue is least improved player of every flight season lately. We get to the airport, breeze through security (TSA pre check is a game-changer) while I follow and cracked wise about a woman carrying a box of live lobsters. I was vexed! Not only by the idea of someone traveling with live lobsters, maybe where she is flying has them in short supply. I was really shaken by the fact she had NO OTHER BAGS! Just her (dressed like she just left the gym) and a box of live lobsters. I was really confused why she chose to carry the heavy box of live lobster and not use a roller bag. Lobsters go well on a roll…(I told my wife this pun and she wasn’t impressed then I asked everyone in the security line their take, they were on my side!). That lobster-companioned cartoon vanished into the halls of Logan, so it was time to kill some, well… time.

We found a bar that wasn’t’ too jam-packed and ordered some cocktails. Luckily our bar overlooked the exterior of gate, so when the plane pulled up, we could move. BUTTTTTTTT that didn’t happen. A couple drinks in I was hit with my new favorite affliction, needed to use the restroom at the WORST times humanly possible. I explored logan, snuck into the Chase Sapphire lounge but the lavatory was full. Anyway, I’m focusing too much on Logan airport so I’m gonna pick it up again. We boarded, taxied and took off in awful conditions and the turbulence was so bad the flight attendants weren’t allowed to stand. I thought maybe this was the end a couple times, but we made it to NYC and sprinted (walking sprints) across the airport to the Ubers. It was about 7:20 and the show was at 8:00pm and we still had to get to the hotel. Our Uber driver was cautious but got us there at 7:50, which was appreciated. We checked in under my wife’s name and it seems to get a kick out of most. The woman at the desk remembered my wife’s name from the last time we stayed there in June. That elation led to upgrade overlooking Manhattan, not bad! But we are in a RUSH! If you don’t know my lovely wife, she shares a name with a beloved syrup. We got ready LIGHTNING quick and jumped in the second Uber to the venue. This man was NOT fucking around, he was making pro moves at every opportunity. I was ready to stuff his G-string with cash if I knew we’d make the show in time. Doors were at 7pm and Run the Jewels were on at 8pm supposably, but they had “special guests” and we prayed to the rap gods those were openers. We pulled up to the venue around 8:40 and if RTJ went on at 8pm and played their whole first album, it was about done. Once we were out of the uber I heard RTJ blasting, assumed it was coming from the venue, I was deflated, buttttttt I was wrong! Those songs were being blasted from a hot dog cart outside the venue! We roll up, scooped tickets at the will call and cruise in! it’s a DJ from Boston actually, Statik Selektah. The place was about 70% packed and it was time to find Shane, shockingly Britt spotted him in nine seconds, granted Shane is a tall dude. We embraced and celebrated making it on time. It was high time to hit the bar! I was stoked for a cocktail, assuming this gritty-ish venue had some human-priced drinks, nahhhh. Beers were tall boys, 18.50 a pop, cocktails the same price but doubles were a deal. Nope, that was a bluff, they were the doubled price of single shots and hardly seemed to have booze. Mini rant here, the price of live shows with all the insane fees paired with LUDACRIS drink prices makes me not want to do shit like this. I’m a foolish and frivolous goofball, but even I have my limits, I mean I still got tipsy once I signed over my surplus organs to the venue.

The show was a BLAST! The first RTJ album is my second favorite, but they strayed from the album itself at the show to play more bangers, the first show wasn’t too jam-packed thankfully. I decided the cute female bartender was trading her looks for my potential alcohol volume in my drinks, so I ventured out. Even if I wasn’t married, I don’t suffer fools/cute ladies for a lack of spirits. I befriend Brendan at the side bar, and he was new to RTJ so I gushed and after tending bar for half the show he was hooked! Super nice dude who understood drink portions. The show knocked our socks off and let out into the street, I snuck my unfished libation as we ventured towards late dinner at a Dim Sum place Shane was hip to. I think we took the subway, I’m not 100% sure. Once we exited the subterrain madness we had to walk a couple blocks to Chinatown. On that journey I noticed man in the distance off to the right, near the edge of a park. I have surprisingly good vison for a man of 40 while a gaggle of drinks deep. I spy a coy (potentially) homeless man washing himself in a sprinkler, which is cool, do what you need to do, daddy. But as we stepped closer, I realized our bathing beauty was naked as jaybird and washing his shockingly tight and cute backdoor. He was a bum in many senses of the word, he caught us peaking and threw the soap in Shane’s direction, which was unfair because I was providing color cometary on his nice buns. A few blocks and laughs passed, and we pulled up to the spot. I hadn’t eaten since Logan airport about ten hours earlier, and a stout man like myself rarely skips ten hours of meals or snacks. We entered the famous blah blah for some dim sum! Something about Shane makes him gravitate towards any Chinatown of a large city, he’s a real Jack burton when it comes to that and I’m a huge fan of it. Today we had a dope restaurant, and I was a bit tipsy and ordered my own sake and a beer or 2. The meal hit the damn SPOT, with countless plates. An hour later we were about to fall asleep and headed to the subway to cruise back to the hotel. We waited in and empty subway stop, spotting rats and their slightly cuter cousins, mice. While waiting we spotted lights down the tunnel, but it wasn’t a train, it was a few random dudes in flashlights who disappeared in s side tunnel. I was drunk and sleep deprived but I wasn’t imagining that, was I? Then some oddly dressed ladies showed sporting fake blood and whatnot like they just hit a Bram Stoker inspired dinner theater murder mystery. FINALLY, a train showed up… kind of. This train had some empty cars and behind that was a few hundred mini dumpsters. What the funk? This is it, time to pony up for and Uber the subterranean travel was too weird tonight. We caught our uber back to the hotel, we crashed hard with no real plan for the next day other than the concert that night. Me and Britt made it to our room, AC on full blast with the shades down to sleep in…ish.

Morning came and Shane had a breakfast Sammy spot up his sleeve in Astoria Queens. We fly there in record time with the assistance of a master Uber and stumble out at Comfortland. This place should have its own holiday once a year. Their sandwiches are so good they should be able to forgo paying taxes. MY sidearm was tots, brisket, egg and cheese with a frozen Arnold Parlmer (half lemonade/half iced tea for you non-golfers), which truly changed my life. Thanks Shane! This place also had comic books graded and hanging on the wall with original art and awesome toys! The Astoria Queens version of myself would never leave that place as Thundercats played on a sheet projected across the room above a painting of all the Wizard of Oz characters eating perfect sandwiches like they’re a cooler than life sideshow minus the exploitation. Lunch was done and hangovers (just me) cured.

We hopped on our phones to find the next stop and I was cornered by an introvert who saw me as a friend and gave me her life story. This happens to me a lot because I engage and have classically strong manners. I escaped with only enough knowledge to write a 150-page book on her life. Not too long but that a lot of pages for about three minutes of engagement, I hope her dermatologist appointment went well and her ex texted her back. We hopped in another Uber and went to Brooklyn for some thrifty antique over-priced flea market items! This was a god damn blast. If I wasn’t hungover and lived locally and not broke, I would have spent a pile! We stumbled to a Sake spot, and I was foolish enough to purchase a Sake juice box! It was both over-priced, disgusting and cured zero of the hangover leftover from what the sandwich did most of the heavy listing of. But the Japanese ice cream helped later in the authentic grocery. We returned to our hotel, took a nap, regrouped for the second show. We kicked around a lot of dinner Ideas, but I felt the need to take mic and ask for an authentic Cuban sandwich. My brother and sister-in-law sent a suggestion, and we made our way! The Uber dropped us at the center of the road, Cuban spot on the left and a curious Tiki spot on the right! The tiki gods were talking to me, I almost skipped dinner for a few Mai Tais, but I was starving, and the only cure was a Cuban sammmy!

Not only did this spot have a great Cuban sandwich but an array of incredible drinks. Time wasn’t on our side, so we missed the Zombie hut (for now!) and flew to the show, RTJ’s second album. This show was WAY more crowded than last night and I made a conscious decision, don’t get tipsy. I’m too old for the hungover flight. The show was great! But night one had more energy, beating the clock and less of a crowd to contend with. That night I grabbed a late drink like a bozo when there was TWO songs left and it was a tall boy. I slugged what I could and a few encores later I was forced to semi-surreptitiously put that beer inside my hat and walk out like a white trash Danny Ocean. Shane had one last trick up his sleeve for a fun bar for a night cap. I’m in the Uber drinking from my hat like an asshole and I peek out the window and see something that reverberates inside my soul… The mother flipping Ghostbusters Fire House! I shout my discovery to the dismay of our driver and my fellow passengers; we arrive at our destination one block from the promise land. The home base of the mighty Ghostbusters had to wait, because our current destination was another game-changer, the Roxy. The Roxy is an incredible and classy art house movie theater, hotel and cocktail bar.

Shane showed us around this palace, and I was ready to catch the end of whatever movie was playing. The place felt like it was built inside one of my dreams; perfect brick walls, glowing Edison bulbs framing movie posters, a man in a suit handing out concessions and an air of mysterious whimsy that all films should strive to set the tone with. The trio headed to the bar and discussed the perfect movie to catch at this classy and time-capsuled theater. Shane chose The Grand Budapest Hotel, and I was so insanely jealous of that choice, till Britt chose another gem! I was shaken and couldn’t chose my own til days later. I chose the movie, Clue for the record. After a round of classy ass cocktails we made our way to my homeland, The Ghostbusters firehouse! I want to be clear; I have been here before. I attended an art show commemorating the 30th anniversary of the release of Ghostbusters. On the way to that event, I was on a Megabus and found out my grandfather passed away. I was lost, I didn’t know what to do, halfway to NYC on a bus trying not to cry. My father told me Papa would want me to enjoy myself and live my life. I proceeded to have one of the most memorable nights of my life. Oddly enough this second encounter with the Ghostbusters firehouse came on the heels of another loss, this time my Nana, Papa’s wife. Such an odd coincidence to be honest and it was the tail end of another incredibly memorable night. Perhaps were both farewell gifts from my grandparents to remind me to stay whimsical, hopeful and not feel crushed by the end of life, but the celebration of the present. After some pics and paying our Ecto-respect we made our way back to the hotel, but we needed one more thing. It had been a minute sine dinner and I was starving so we hit one of New York’s 24 hour deli’s, I’m glad Boston doesn’t have these because I would abuse it far too often. It was at this moment I was introduced to the game-changing chopped cheese sandwich. For those who don’t know it’s a cheeseburger sub but with all the ingredients mixed, chopped and crammed into a sub, like a delicious lost and found.

We crushed some late night eats, headed to bed for our stupidly early flights. We woke up and I thanked myself for not getting tipsy to avoid the hungover flight. The trio made it to the airport, and we were immediately delayed. We waited, and 2 more delays later daddy Shane called his Jet Blue connects and moved us to a new flight. We rolled onto the new flight together and finally made It back to Boston. Which was fortunate because our original flight was delayed 2 more times after we moved over to the new bird. It took some time but the wife and myself made it home, I hit the sack and Britt clocked into work like a warrior. All said and done it was an incredibly memorable trip that truly came at the best time possible. After some recouperation, myself and the first mate made it back abord the mighty Angus with a worthy adventure vanishing in our wake, it’s hard to say were that land begins and the water stops. Luckily, we have sea legs. Stay tuned and keep smiling.